Remember the time….

I invented a surprisingly good drink? It’s 10pm, which in my tiny, sleepy neighborhood means you’re fucked if you’re out of mixers. As a result, I invented the following:

THE BRUISER
-Vodka
-Grape juice
-Tonic water
-Garnish with 3 red Haribo gummi bears

Lack of ingredients is the mother of invention. I can’t cook for shit, burn things every time I try to toast something (and toast is my favorite food, so that’s really upsetting), but mama can make a drink when she needs to. Although I haven’t reached the bottom yet to eat the gummi bears, so we’ll see if they soak up the flavors beautifully, like a sangria, or if they get all hard and unchewy.

You can kind of see the gummi bears, sticking together. I think they’re trying to climb out. OMG this reminds of “Honey I Shrunk The Kids,” aka one of the 3 movies we owned when I was growing up and can quote verbatim from start to finish.

As you can also see from the photo, I GOT BANGS. Major news, you guys. Bangs, a Bruiser and a Nuggets win = everything’s coming up Lexi!

In other major news, I have a couple of new members on my daily YouTube/Flickr scouring routine.

The first is T.I. Not only have I been listening to him nonstop, but his partner is named “Tiny” and she is 4′11″. Obviously T.I. knows that, like fine perfume, good things come in small packages. I also want to take his beanie off with my teeth.

The other fella is Jason Segel. As Nick Andopolis, he was my favorite character on “Freaks and Geeks.” If you’ve never watched that series, you need to rent it or buy it immediately or we have no reason to be friends. He’s a hilarious writer and actor and seems like the most genuine, sweetest guy ever.

There are 3 things that make me love Jason Segel more than anything:

1. When you google image search “male nudity,” he is the first result, because of his nude scenes from “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” That shit deserves applause. I will never know someone who has accomplished something that fucking awesome in my entire life.

2. This video of him singing the confrontation scene from Les Miserables with Neil Patrick Harris. It is utterly incredible.

3. The interviews he and Paul Rudd did together during the press tour for “I Love You, Man” are absolutely, without question, the most amazing interactions to ever be recorded. I’m not exaggerating. The following interviews make me almost puke and actually cry each time I watch them.

OK, I’m done with The Bruiser now and the gummi bears are AMAAAAZIIIING at the end. I mean at first the texture is repulsive and I almost want to vomit but then the center just tastes like gummi bear and a little bit of vodka and it’s really charming. This hero bitch is done.